five reasons i love my mom [happy mother's day]

1. She’s given up so much for me.

Whenever she’s angry, she uses the Chinese Mother Guilt Trip. It’s gotten to the point where I can recite her entire spiel– from her lack of opportunity and education (”My parents didn’t think I deserved one since I was a girl, they stopped my lessons when I was in 6th grade”) to her coming over to the United States, alone, at the age of 16 to work long 15 hour shifts in Chinatown only to go home have to clean and make dinner for her relatives.

It takes her eight years in America before she spends money on a long-distance phone call to her parents to hear their voices, instead of relying on paper and pen.

She doesn’t hesitate to drop $900 on my SAT Kaplan Course.

2. My friends find her hilarious.

stacy: ugh, sorry– I have to sign off.

zoe: hmm?

stacy: my mom just made a vaguely threatening hand gesture. i think that’s my hint to go to bed.

zoe: AHAHAHA. um, yeah. night!

3. She sometimes act younger than I am.

“What do you mean I’m getting old?”  She glares at me, clearly offended. “I’m 18!”

“Um, mom–I’m eighteen,” I remind her. “You just look it.”

She makes a sound of disapproval and goes over to help Tiffany with her Chinese homework. “Now 火 means fire. It’s explosive– so think of a person exploding– like this!” To demonstrate, she jumps and flings her arms out to mimic the character.

Tiffany, Jennifer, and I actually hurt from laughing.

4. She wants the best for me.

“Study what you want,” she tells me while she’s driving, keeping her attention at the road in front of her. “What you choose to study, what your job will be– that’s not something I can help you with. Understand?” She looks at me sharply, as though expecting me to object.

I nod. “Yeah.”

She wrinkles her brow, then signals to turn left. “Just,” she adds, almost as an afterthought, “Marry rich. You’ll make a good trophy wife. Jog past the medical school a few times a day.”

She chooses to ignore my choked laughter.

5. There’s also the fact that I’ve caused quite a bit of trouble for her. :P

“It’s almost my birthday, you know,” I say conversationally, trying to be subtle. As subtle as Tom Cruise and his Crazy. I cross my fingers and hope that she’ll ask me what I want for my birthday.

No such luck.

She sighs. “I spent 52 days in the hospital because of you. You were supposed to be born in late March. Three months early. I should have taken that as an omen.”

“I don’t suppose you’ll ever stop reminding me that.”

She raises a perfectly arched, tattooed eyebrow. “What do you think? So troublesome.” She shakes her head and sips her coffee.

Some day– one day– I’ll be able to write this in Chinese and show and share with her my writing. It’s a bit worthless in English, a language she can’t read.

i’m a drama queen okay. deal.

Oh my god, I’m going to fail the AP Lit exam. I’m going to fail the AP Lit exam and this will be the reason why.

On the bright side, AP exams don’t really count for anything. On the other hand, I’m expected to be at school by 7:30 AM (ungodliest hour ever)fully coherent or at least functioning to take that test. Multiple choice questions and three essays. Judecca’s got nothin’ on the air conditioning at York Lecture Hall. (TAKE THAT, DANTE.)

Seriously, I think I’m just going to write “THIS IS MADNESS/THIS IS SPARTA” and a letter to the poor unfortunate teachers (hanging out at their all-expense paid hotel) who have to read countless essays. I may  end up talking about sheep.

The Best Facebook Group Ever (all AP Students should check this out)

Now back to studying. :)

ETA:

Hilarious. Today during my free period, I tripped over Johnathan’s backpack while walking over to Dave. The way Johnathan and Dave fussed at me (since I was literally sprawled on the ground, I am the epitome of grace) was hysterical. It’s as though they’ve never seen me do something like that before.

Moral of the story is: I’m actually serious when I say I’m clumsy. If the U.S. Army were to recruit me, they’d want me on the other side– I’d be the one who screws things up for them.

death of a social life

AP Exams for the next two weeks.

I’m not going to have a social life until next Thursday. *dies* (And I basically won’t get credit for AP Lit or AP Environmental Science unless I miraculously get 5’s on each. AP Human Geography gets no credit at all. *sadface* And that’s the one I’ll ace.)

But it’s all good because AP exams don’t affect my grade in the course. So it’s kind of pointless, really. I’ve given up on APES especially, hahahaha– oh god.

[olympics 2008] Beijing Welcomes You 北京欢迎你

This just makes me so happy. Seriously. :) GO GO JACKIE CHAN! AND WANG LEEHOM! STEFANIE SUN! KAREN MOK! JOLIN TSAI!… AND RANDOM KOREAN STARS!

Note: If anyone dares attempt to start some Olympic drama wank right now, I will kick your ass. There’s a time and place, and that’s not here,  on my blog.

I’ve heard every argument. Ithaca is Dalai Lama’s North American seat. Everyone here is “Free Tibet! Down with China!” I don’t like or condone imperialistic behavior from any country, but there has been rampant racism and double standards coming from bullying wealthy nations too. :| Basically, all of this makes me sad because I just want Beijing to hold the Olympics with no political drama equivalent to 4chan wank.

Okay, that sounds vaguely melodramatic. Let’s just say that I’d been getting a lot of crap for wanting Beijing to host the Olympics from some people at school.

It’s funny because I’m not very nationalistic (and really, I was born and raised in New York!) about China. I identify myself Asian-American more than Chinese-American (and before Chinese).I’ve only recently become interested in learning Mandarin/Cantonese and how to read and write in Chinese. I sometimes feel like I have no attachment to my parents’ culture until things like this occur.

almost a culture shock (only it’s expected)

It is 10:30 p.m. and students at the elite Daewon prep school here are cramming in a study hall that ends a 15-hour school day.

Elite Korean Schools, Forging Ivy League Skills

Um, wow. Basically? I have no right to complain about studying for APs. 15 hours?

I am very very glad my parents did not decide to send me to China when I was little. I have no doubt that Chinese schools (maybe to a lesser degree with American or International schools) are every bit as rigorious. (One of my cousins, who got top marks, dropped out of high school because she couldn’t handle the pressure.) And while I like to learn and work hard, I’d probably die.

Funnily enough, this article reminded me of the Korean drama, Love Story in Harvard. I’ve never watched it, but it pretty much sends the message that if you get into Harvard, your life will be fantastic (if not completely melodramatic and full of Korean drama plot twists).

dreams can be funny like that

Every couple of years, I have a recurring dream about Toronto and a citywide theme park with a big blue ferris wheel and lots of giant red balloons.

I wonder what that’s supposed to mean.

So, have I mentioned that I have a huge crush on Wang Leehom?

Today, I did a supposedly ten minute (in actuality, a half hour) presentation on the Beijing Olympics using youtube videos in my Chinese class. The class was lukewarm/’meh’ about the potential Beijing Anthems (even to Wang Leehom*, sob).

They were infinitely more interested in the Fuwa cartoon. ( “… Great, can we watch that cartoon opening again?” “Yeah, can we just watch that?”)

I totally should have seen that coming.

And I really don’t blame them. Seriously, is it just me or did that cartoon combine elements of Pokemon/Sailor Moon/Disney Cartoons and Captain Planet?

* I am so marrying this man. I ain’t gonna lie. Just wait and see. :P

a more articulate summary of the previous post

Okay. So last week I Facebook messaged a bunch of my friends and asked them if they were interested in donating to the “Get Johnathan an iPod For His 18th Birthday” fund. A lot of them were, especially after hearing that Johnathan still had an old-school CD player… that doesn’t work half the time. ANYWAY. I spent most of last week looking and acting incredibly sketchy.

ME: *shifty-eyed* So, you got the money?

FRIEND: Oh! *looks both ways, slips me a five*

ME: :)) *puts in white envelope*

You know, sometimes I’m really really glad that I’m small, Asian, and have this tendency to walk into walls. Most of the security guards/teachers who witnessed these BLATANT interactions were just like “… eh, she’s wearing cute sandals.” (Okay, maybe not exactly that… but my sandals are cute. They’re silver flip-flops from Old Navy. Amazing what you can get for $5.)

And in retrospect, it probably less of me being Asian as me being the type of gal that always get flagged down for directions. Sadly, I am directionally-challenged but I haven’t gotten any hapless tourists lost in the Ithacan Wild as of yet. That has to mean something, right?

Let me say this now: there is no future in being a CIA agent or a spy of any sorts. I fail at being secretive. I fail at subtlety. I am so so very glad that despite many close calls, Johnathan was oblivious like he always is.

Case in point, on Friday someone off-handedly commented to him that he was his own boombox since he beat-boxs and stuff. JOHNATHAN: Yeah, that’s because no one ever GOT ME THAT iPod. Emilee, Annette, and I nearly died at that– we thought he was on to us, but no. He was just being Johnathan.

Anyway, today when I got to school there was no Johnathan to be found. Concerned, I called him.

JOHNATHAN: Yeah, so on Thursday I was sick…

ME: … No, no no.

JOHNATHAN: So, I’m home sick.

ME: *carrying Johnathan’s present* NO YOU ARE NOT WHAT YOU SAY.

I went upstairs to my locker and shoved Johnathan’s present into my locker.

In the middle of me going all “WHAT THE HELL, WHAT THE HELL” (”You should just keep the iPod,” Dave advised me, “All of that and J Reed isn’t here?”) Johnathan appeared out of nowhere, poking me in the rib and going “HAHA, SURPRISE! :D”

ME:… OMG, I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU I HATE YOU—follow me. *drags Johnathan to my locker*

My amused friends followed in suit. Most of the people in H-Courtyard, the Seniors-Only Area, must have thought I was possessed.

ME: *shoves Johnathan’s present into his hands, walks away*

JOHNATHAN: *looking perplexed; pink Victoria Secret bag filled to the brim with chocolatey goodness with a mixed CD & a couple of birthday cards* Wha? *picks up a mini-Snickers bar*

DAVE: Uh, why don’t you investigate that FURTHER.

JOHNATHAN: *discovers iPod*

It was like he found kryptonite, guys. His expression was worth all the scheming, all the trial and error and hassling (I felt like a loan shark last week too, come to think of it).

JOHNATHAN: OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD. *INSERT MILDLY HYSTERICAL/HAPPY LAUGHTER THAT STARTLED THE ENTIRE MATH HALLWAY*

DAVE: You know, she was thisclose to taking it back because you were being such a–

JOHNATHAN: OH MY GOD. Where’s Stacy?

DAVE: Uh, over–

ME: *gets tackled by 5′9, 175 lbs of pure muscle* EEEP.

JOHNATHAN: I don’t even care that I’m carrying the gayest bag in the world. *swings pink Victoria’s Secret bag around which, hahaha, was the closest thing to a gift bag I had in my room*

My life. :)

Blogging has taken a backseat because of school (AP finals! Finals! Portfolios! Oh god, there are not enough hours in a day to do all of this) taking over my life. That and lots of family drama that no one really needs to hear. Let’s just say that it’s on par with some Korean dramas. :|

My friends and I have accomplished that I would be the worst spy ever.

Last week, I decided to organize a “Get Johnathan An iPod For His Birthday” thingamajig in which J and my collective friends donated money to his most amendable cause.  I felt like a sketchy drug-dealer all week. (”… Hey, do you have the money?” *looks shifty*)

However, the plan succeeded and it was so worth all the scheming. J was so happy that he scared/startled the entire math hallway with his outburst of “OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD” . My ribs may never be the same (ow) due to his overenthusiastic bear hug but the sight of manly J Reed carrying a  distinctive pink Victoria Secret bag full of chocolate, birthday cards, and of course a shiny iPod Nano will forever be carved in my memory with much affection. It was a sight to behold.

That said, I still fail at being secretive and sketchy.

I really want to graduate now though. *sighs* Mid-June seems too far off.

tornado

(Credit: Love is like a Tornado by dumbLilchild on DA)

At this moment, I’m listening to Jay Chou’s “Long Juan Feng” (Tornado) while drinking milk tea and trying for the life of me, to memorize the lyrics.  Not an easy task since Jay Chou is (in)famous for mumbling his lyrics. Sometimes my mom will hear one of his songs come up on my iTunes and shake her head; “I have no idea what that boy’s saying, why is he so popular?”

And (putting this out there now) even though my Mandarin is far from passable and my taste in music can sometimes be questionable (embarrassing Japanese boyband music, anyone?), I would like to think that I know good music when I hear it . And even more, I know great lyrics when I read them. :D

Sometimes, English translations can be a bit lacking– which is a shame since I rely on them a lot for my foreign music comprehension. With Mandarin, I can usually rely on myself to figure out most songs and use the English translation as a guide. If anything, it’s a good way of expanding my vocab.

In this song, I love the bridge.  静静悄悄默默离开/jing jing qiao qiao mo mo li kai which translates to “quietly, stealthily, silently leaving”– all the rhyming, two-syllable words really “clicked” for me. That and the subtle change from 爱情来的太快就像龙卷风 (”love comes too quickly just like a tornado”) and 爱情走的太快就像龙卷风 (”love passes too quickly, just like a tornado”).

It really isn’t a surprise that Jay Chou has a huge fan base in Asia.

And okay, maybe my mom has a point with Jay Chou’s music. Sometimes Jay Chou fans are… well, insane, for a  lack of a better word. A few are fanatical as some fans can be, my cousin (whom I haven’t met since I was twelve) being one of them. Apparently my cousin in Fuzhou went to one of his concerts and shook his hand and told my her mother (my Aunt Judy) that she would never wash that hand again. Riiiiight.  Jay’s music can sometimes be very much alike which isn’t necessarily a bad thing– but when I bought his November’s Chopin album and after listening to all the songs and my first impression was “… wait, these are new?”

His music can sometimes be overrated too, the same way how some Japanese music fans regard Ayumi Hamasaki to the be the best thing to come out of Japan since Hello Kitty. Not that I don’t like Ayumi Hamasaki’s music because I do (I especially like her song Moments because the lyrics are poignant, sharp, and I liked her use of metaphor– Ayu writes her own lyrics) but many of her songs are a bit lackluster to me.

Anyway, got way off on that tangent there.

This is song I’ve been obsessed with lately. And it’s the song that my parents probably hate right now.

If anything, you have to admit that the composition, at least, is beautiful.

God help me if I turn into a Jay Chou fangirl like my cousin. I may just commit seppuku with the aid of a plastic spork.

[original story]the brownstone apartment on the corner

It’s not her place to tell her dad that he’s embarrassing himself again, so she doesn’t.

Instead Dolores watches with a wan smile as he shifts comfortably in his suit and adjusts his best tie (blue, Louis Vuitton, she bought it for him two Christmases ago) and talks to her aunt about her cousins.  The strained conversation goes unnoticed by Aunt Julia, who loves to gossip and boast about her children’s achievements. She fills the silence in the living room easily, the sound of her own garish voice positively echoes.  Anna is at the top of her class, Will is going abroad to Italy to study finance. It all blurs together after a while.

Her mother’s in the kitchen, making tea and trying to figure out where the box of biscuits are. Although she had greeted her sister with a warm smile, Dolores knows that her mom hates how Aunt Julia always drops by without a call or a how-do-you-do.  The living room is messy. Newspapers and toys littering the coffee table and despite Aunt Julia’s chatty nature, she takes everything in with a sharp eye.

“We only have Earl Grey and Blackberry,” her mother apologizes with a half-smile, placing the tea tray on the coffee table.

“Oh, that’s fine,” Aunt Julia replies easily, and continues on prattling about how Uncle Ken is now thinking about taking the family to the Alps in February. “For a well-deserved vacation,” she laughs, shaking her head, smiling slightly– as though she’s not delighted with the prospect. “I keep telling him that it’s too expensive– especially buying tickets now, but he insists.”

Dad smiles and murmurs something about how a good travel agent could help.

Earl Grey with a dash of milk and sugar is always welcomed. Especially if they’re accompanied by buttery biscuits. Dolores sits back and does not utter a word. She sips her tea and watches her dad grow more and more uncomfortable the more Aunt Julia talks, and wonders there will ever be a time when he doesn’t compare their modest brownstone apartment to Aunt Julia’s and Uncle Ken’s pseudo-French chateau McMansion in New Jersey.

i hear in my mind/all of these voices/i hear in my mind/all of this music (and it breaks my heart, and it breaks my heart)

Ordinal Linguistic Personification:

Ordinal-linguistic personification (OLP, or personification for short) is a form of synesthesia in which ordered sequences, such as ordinal numbers, days, months and letters are associated with personalities

Cakins (1893) describes a case for whom whose “T’s are generally crabbed, ungenerous creatures. U is a soulless sort of thing. 4 is honest, but… 3 I cannot trust… 9 is dark, a gentleman, tall and graceful, but politic under his suavity” (Calkins 1893, p. 454).

For synesthete MT “I [is] a bit of a worrier at times, although easy-going; J [is] male; appearing jocular, but with strength of character; K [is] female; quiet, responsible…” (Cytowic 2002, p. 298).

I don’t know if I have synesthesia but wow. I find this fascinating. All my friends and my parents thought that I was a weird kid. :P I have always thought of J as a girl. Shy, somewhat timid, a Betty-like character pining after K (she opens doors for him). K is oblivious to her attention, he the macho-type completely in love with the lovely, luminous (perfect) L.

I’m probably just flattering myself, but still pretty fascinating.

I’m off to visit the Hogwarts! And by “Hogwarts”, I mean Bryn Mawr.

4 hours in an enclosed space with The Fam.

Now what could possibly go wrong? :P

I plan on spending most of that time unconscious if possible (because seriously, 7 AM? NOT HAPPENIN’, no wonder we all overslept!).

I think I’ve overpacked. *facepalms*

pee est. No, really. Bryn Mawr= Hogwarts. This is proof.

highlights of my week & spring break plans

Highlights of my week

1. I got a 96 on my Merchant of Venice essay that I aptly titled “THE SORDID UNREQUITED LOVE THEORY” and went on to list the reasons why I thought Antonio was gayer than a picnic basket full of tap dancing penguins (don’t ask) for Bassanio. It’s worth nothing that a) I turned it in late which why I got points off and b) my English teacher enthusiastically wrote “YES!” and “NICE TITLE!” all over my paper. This makes me happy, if not just because my AP Lit class spent ages going over Antonio’s sexual orientation during the class discussion.

2. Anticipating the BMC Admitted Students Weekend Open House Thingamajig (plus overnight!). It’s a testament of how patient my friends are for not physically hitting me for being all “BMC this” and “BMC that” since I’ve gotten my acceptance letter. My friends are amazing. I can’t wait to see/meet Brittney (my friend who got me to look at BMC in the first place!) and all the BMC 2012-ers on Facebook.

Also, my parents’ hotel is right next to the King of Prussia Mall. My dad is  understandably horrified. (”STACY, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO STEP IN THERE WITH YOUR CREDIT CARD”) but my mom is on my side after I told her that there’s not one, but two Coach stores. Guess who’s going prom dress shopping? :)

3. Being able to sleep in is fabulous. My cell phone alarm woke me up and I was going through the motions of trying to find something clean and non-wrinkled to wear before realizing that I am on spring break. Then I went back to bed and slept like a rock until noon.

4. Reading Boy Meets Boy by David Levithan, it is adorable. You should read it. It was a little hard to get into and the setting is undeniably a fantasy world where everyone is socially liberal. I find it amusing that even a character in the novel mentions it. I love Infinite Darlene and wishes she had her own novel.

Now I present you the following scenario. In third person. (Drumroll, please.)

Wednesday, April 9th, 2008, 2nd period at the IHS library

Stacy watches in amusement as Jared meanders about the library. As a rule, Jared likes books. He also likes indie music, boys, and pretending to do the reading for AP Lit where he and Stacy enthusiastically hate Madame Bovary. For the past ten minutes, Jared has been gathering books to read over Spring Break. He looks very Studious and Thoughtful. After he checks his impressive stack of books out, Stacy approaches him while he talks to some of this Theatre friends.

“Hey, Jared?”

“Hmm?” Jared looks up.

“Can you recommend me any books to read over break?”

Faster than you can say “Jared was absolutely amazing in Into the Woods“, Jared enthusiastically leads Stacy to the far end of the library, away from all the study tables. This is where all the books live. He grab books and hands them to her, commenting on some (”You have to read The Hours, it’s one of my favorites”) and (”This is depressing but very good, have you seen the movie?”). Near the end of the adventure, Jared frowns and pulls out a copy of Boy Meets Boy by David Levithan. “You should read this, it’s cute and all the other books are depressing.”

“I really hope my parents don’t read the title,” Stacy replies, staring at the candy hearts on the periwinkle blue cover.

“I thought you said your parents aren’t very good at English.”

“Yeah, but I think they can piece the title together.”

And this is the story of how Stacy has lots of books to read over break.

My Reading List For The Next Ten Days:

• Atonement by Ian McEwan
• The Hours by Michael Cunningham
• Specimen Days by Michael Cunningham
• Boy Meets Boy by David Levithan
• Lolita by You Think By Now, I Would Be Able to Spell His Name Without Looking It Up (reread since Clay Burell’s been blogging a lot about it)
• The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett (reread, it’s spring so very appros, no?)
  

Alas, my school library’s copies of The Time Traveler’s Wife (recommended to me by countless books enthusiasts of the BMC 2012 Facebook Group) and The Other Boleyn Girl were checked out. The movie of the latter was awful, no matter how pretty Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman may be.

I’m going to be AWOL for the next few days. :)

every now and then/random bouts of insomnia occur/i usually fall asleep quickly

(Credit: Insomnia by sorceressmyr on DA)

I haven’t been able to fall asleep until 4 or 5 am for the past couple of days. I think it’s the changing of the seasons (it finally feels like spring–blue skies, flip flops weather!) which is fantastic for my asthma but horrendous for my sleep cycles. It’s exhausting and difficult for me to formulate anything coherent, much less think.

Quick cure for insomnia, anyone? (Preferably one that doesn’t involve bashing myself in the head with a large and possibly brain cells-damaging object.)

Cold medicine usually doesn’t work on me. Same goes with warm milk + honey.

beijing olympics 2008 & politics

So, there’s been a lot of things in the news about China and countries wanting to boycott the Beijing Summer Olympics over human rights issues in Tibet.

And despite writing a three paged paper on the Tibet/China conflict back in 10th grade, I don’t think I know enough to form an opinion.

I sometimes wish that the U.S. education system would focus more on global current events. If it weren’t for my Chinese class, I wouldn’t know about the Tibetan monk protest at all.

Even from what I’ve heard,I have to say that it’s all been very biased since the Western media obviously supports the Free Tibet movement (as does everyone in Ithaca, naturally, as our city is the North American seat of Dalai Lama). On the other hand, I have friends and acquaintances on Facebook who feel very strongly about “One China” and how Tibet has and always will belong to China. One of them was at the TorchRelay in Leicester Square in London and got interviewed by the BBC about her thoughts on the Tibetan protesters and China’s right to hold the Olympics; she says that they edited a lot of her answers.

I’m surrounded by biases; I wonder if I can find an unbiased history/account of everything.

Currently, though, I think that China has the right to hold the 2008 Olympics. While boycotting the Olympics will be a significant gesture, I don’t think sports and politics should be mixed.

Politics can be fascinating. Complicated, but fascinating.

madame bovary, c’est moi

(Credit: Rei by zemotion on DA)

looking up at the white sky, i put a hand up against its radiance

sometimes i have to say “it’s just a passing phase”

(Rie Fu’s “Tsuki no ue” , translation)

I feel like such a hypocrite sometimes.

Spouting off words disguised as advice. Do I have any right to these words when I’m not even sure myself?

Materialism. Consumerism. Is this superficialness a part of me? Or can I look back and say, “it’s just a passing phase?”

I laughed at the irony of the situation.

Am I still a good person? Define “good”. At least I’m not asking you to define “person”.

Doubts on one’s self-character. That’s normal, right?

Because the moment’s always fleeting, but it’ll make me wonder.

And

Don’t you ever wish that everyone would be happy at the same time?

★Soundtrack of my thoughts★

OLIVIA–Walk On By

OLIVIA– Celestial Delinquent

“into the woods” & le mot juste

Like the magic beans that the Baker and his wife gave Jack, Ithaca High School’s production of “Into the Woods” defied all description that I can’t even begin to say how good it was.

I wish I could be like Gustave Flaubert who could spend days and weeks searching for “le mot juste”: the right/precise word. Sadly, I don’t have the luxury of time (who has time these days?) so I have to content myself with simple, common words thrown together into a masquerading sentence abstractedly and without much meaning or depth.

The messy diction of words sandwiched together in a sentence, the inelegant turn of phrases that lack spark, and an overabundance of cliches and overused words such as “incredible”, “adorable”, “amazing” dilute the actual meaning of such words and skewers the true intention of the writer.

I’ll have to be content with saying that “Into the Woods” was indescribable and hope that someone more eloquent and talented with words (Apri? I’ll have you know that I excel at failing at subtlety) can articulate how great the performance was last night. For now, I’m going to hum and sing songs from the musical and hope that Tiffany doesn’t actually go through with her threat of duct-taping my mouth shut.

It’s very disconcerting to find yourself acting/talking like the protagonist of a novel you’re reading in AP Literature that you detest. Madame Bovary, I seem to share your tendency and flair for overdramatics and flights of fancy as much as I hate to admit it.

you’re something beautiful– a contradiction.

(Music Box by Danielle Summers )

I keep finding myself wanting, wishing, hoping that I could make something beautiful. May it be in writing, art, or music– it would be lovely to savor the moment and the accomplishment.

Instead, I’ve been envying others from afar–longing for their talent. I’m bedazzled by my friends’ accomplishments every time I see them perform, every time I flip through the pages of their portfolios or hear the easy eloquence of their words when they speak.

So I look, read, and listen from where I am, still hanging onto this rope of diluted jealousy.

.hiatus.

 

(Credit: Samwibatt on Flickr)

Hiatus until I get back to my normal cheerful self/stop dying of consumption!

a discovery

I was trying to figure out the name of and the location of my  AP Human Geography response paper because I have a habit of just keyboard smashing when it comes to seeing the “save as” prompt  (ajfsljflskfjsdjfdkdkdkd ? sure, great name, will definitely remember this is about globalization and why Friedman is a smarmy bastard) and then saving it to my “MP3s/Electronica” to my 10th grade English folder.

Well, instead of finding my paper on Friedman which I may have to redo tomorrow…. I did find:

a) old original stories; some are acutally decent– others make me want to deny authorship

b) a rant and a link on how much I disliked Abercrombie and Fitch and its  current CEO with links and references

c)  a list of pros and cons of buying a Threadless tee that ended up sold out in my size

d) a bunch of posts that could work for s2oh if 1) I edit and revise a lot (lots of pre-college applying discussion and perspective) and keep the whiniess to the minimum  and 2) I have someone amazing like Lindseak to proof-read, edit, and make sure I don’t completely embarrass myself.

I think my least favorite part of blogging is the revising/editing part. I lack the patience and I tend to babble about things without much of an intended purpose and get frustrated when things don’t end up sounding the way I want them to. Words aren’t as malleable as clay and sometimes it just looks or reads funny across the screen and I end up deleting whole paragraphs.

nothing new

I’m not sure what’s up with my immune system this year. Last winter, all my friends hated me because I would frolic about wearing Threadless tees and cut-off cargos in January ( then again we had a very mild winter last year) while they were sick with the flu. This year, however, I’m constantly sick (hi, cold I’ve had since mid-December? I hate you so so much) and I wander about looking like an extra from a horror movie since my usual pale pallor + the huge bags under them my eyes now makes me look like I’m two steps away from an extended hospital stay.

I wish I could say it was stress due to senior year but I got into Bryn Mawr (and I have not shut up about it since) and I’m incredibly happy and even my workload has been moderately challenging but do-able. Most of my clubs don’t meet every day. I’ve stopped volunteering at the library because my loud coughing distracts everyone and I was often the recipient of a “what-why-are-you-disturbing-my-quiet-place :|” glare and I would love to enjoy life if it weren’t for the fact that I seem to catch every little flu/cold/bug that comes my way. It does not make for happy times and my parents are now contemplating whether they should get one of those huge boxes of tissues from Sam’s Club.

It’s weird because I’m now used to unexpected coughing fits, insomnia that comes to goes like my neighbor’s cat, medicine that works sometimes but not always, and my mother’s current life-long ambition of curing me from this awful illness (that more often than not requires me to drink questionably brown-gray-black liquids spiked with lots of chili pepper).

All I’m saying is that if it’s 80 degrees out and my immune system still thinks it’s flu season , I’m not going to be happy.

On the bright side, it could be worse: I could be on fire.

It’s like the American Revolution. We (re)learn it every year.

TIFFANY: *doing homework* Stacy, what’s precipitation?

ME: It’s weather. :|

JENNIFER: It’s like, all forms of water that fall onto the Earth. The water cycle and stuff.

TIFFANY: Jennifer, how did YOU know that?!

JENNIFER: I’m learning this in Physical Science right now.

ME: … We’re covering this (atmospheric stuff) in AP Environmental Science right now.

TIFFANY: *dying of laughter* And I’m in Life Science.

unsent letters

Dear Monday:

You make me feel homicidal, baby.

Dear Intro to Chinese Class:

You make me feel smart. Here, have a cookie while I put my test up on the fridge.

Dear Schoolwork:

I wish you were asexual so you could do yourself.

Dear Make Up Schoolwork:

There is no way my teachers assigned so much of you on Thursday.

Dear Senioritis:

WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE YET. I WAS EXPECTING YOU  FIVE MONTHS AGO. NOW IS A GOOD TIME TO ‘NOT CARE ABOUT SCHOOL’.

Dear Bryn Mawr:

YES, YES, YES AND I ACCEPT.

You really have a way of making a girl feel special…which is my way of saying that your envelope containing a BMC pin? Classy, BMC, classy. It’s already on my schoolbag.

Dear Me:

Accidentally taking a five hour nap has been the best idea you’ve had all day.

Dear Any One Who There Still Reading:

Why is today not over yet?

YESSSSSSSSSS!

I GOT INTO BRYN MAWR!

I am so so happy.

some more whine with that cheese?

I’m running out of creative ways to say my immune system is not very good at doing its job.

It’s funny because last year, I wasn’t sick at all. This year, I’m plagued by health problems. Right now, my nose is running which is a sign of an impending cold or that I’m now officially allergic to air (hopefully, it’s the former). And despite drinking six bottles of water, I still feel very dehydrated– my throat is dry and itchy and I feel light-headed.

One of my friends was awed/concerned/disturbed by this and has urged me to look up the definition of “water poisoning” on Wikipedia.

This is one of the worst blog entries ever. But I did find out the reason why my transcript hadn’t made it to Michigan was because my school college’s adviser lost the card that told her to send them stuff.  I am utterly incoherent and I think I really should be in bed, um. I should stop talking before I embarrass myself further.

college stuff & threadless sale

Michigan sent me an e-mail saying that they still haven’t received my transcripts which is a whole new level of DO NOT WANT. I plan to talk to the school college adviser tomorrow and pace around the house frantically in the mean time.

Threadless is having a sale right now. If my funds weren’t so depleted due to my mom using my credit card to buy $160 worth of stuff at Macy’s and my dad forgetting to deposit my paycheques into my account, I’d be so there.

My favorites so far are Treasured (clever and very Japanese horror movie-esque) , Boy in the Weeds  (Iron and Wine + very pretty and elegant design), and Freedom Call  (for having the same color scheme as Flowers in the Attic, minus the suicide/gun bit that might potentially get me in trouble with the school).

If anyone wants to help me earn some STPs, use my link. I’ll return the favor once I have money in the bank.

lip gloss addict

Okay, the next time I think I need to buy some more lipgloss, I need to think again.

Sadly, this isn’t even all of my stash. I need to pick up a package at the post office (I ordered a few from Sasa.com a little while back). My favorite right now is MAC Lustreglass in Spring Bean (bottom row, second one on the left, it goes on clear/shimmery).

Yeah, I have issues. :)

to be or not to be, that is the question. i would use a different hamlet quote, but i don’t know of any others.

If I were a teacher, I would use Animaniacs in classes. They were stable part of my childhood (and only in recent years have I realized how much of their jokes were a *wink wink, nudge nudge* to adults stuck watching cartoons with their kids) .

Case in point, the video below.

Needless to say, I’m a firm believer in that nothing tops the 90’s in cartoons and television shows.

Now if only they covered the The Merchant of Venice…

This is why I should probably never become a middle school teacher. Ever.

TIFFANY: I have to type up notes for Social Studies and I don’t understand the XYZ Affair!
STACY: HAHAHA, I DO. >:D
TIFFANY: … Can I just use ‘you’ as my notes?
STACY: … What, turn me in to Mr. Sauls’ class?
TIFFANY: :D
STACY: … How about you tell me what you’re having trouble with.
TIFFANY: XYZ affair. :|

STACY: Okay, so Adams basically took office and he inherited the drama between France and the States. So the Jay Treaty– you know what that is, right?
TIFFANY: Yeah! :D
STACY: Good! So, the Jay Treaty pretty much made France go “YOU ARE ‘ELPING ZE BRITISH” and the US is all “HAHAHA, NOT REALLY–NO IDEA WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT” and Adams decides to send delegates over to France to smooth things over because he didn’t want a headachey war.
TIFFANY: Mmkay.
STACY: But the king was all “BAH, I VILL NOT ZEE YOU” and sent three French delegates to meet with the American delegates. And instead of listening, they were like “WE WILL CONSIDER IT… IF YOU PAY US $$$” and the Americans were all “OH HELLZ NO BITCHES” and went back to the Land of Opportunity and Freedom Fries.
TIFFANY: … I’m not writing the last part down.
STACY: Whatevs, when Adams found out, he was all “OH BITCHES, IT IS ON” and went to a sort of war with France after he dubbed the French delegates X, Y, and Z.
TIFFANY: So what I don’t get is why he called them X, Y, and Z.
STACY: Who knows.

In other news, either I lost or misplaced my moleskine notebook . Either that or the notebook gremlins were at it again. Either way, it’s Not Good because it contains my homework assignments, my mini-essay on how I’d affect global change, future s2oh topics, random stories, deadlines for scholarship essays, and this week’s grocery list.

My life.

I wonder if losing my moleskine notebook is an extended metaphor for losing my mind. Anyway, it sets the tone for the rest of the week because half my life is in those pages.

does this bode well?

Today, I went shopping at the Carousel Mall. I was unsuccessful in procuring a prom dress that did not make me look like a) a hooker or b) a new unidentified species of whale in a gaudy prom dress. I did, however, manage to buy lots of pretty things which makes me happy.

And for the first time in many moons, I decided to check my alternate e-mail address this evening. I mainly use it for school, college applications, and eBay. Amid the ranks of lots of Chinese spam, there was an e-mail from Bryn Mawr informing me that the Office of Admissions will be posting admission decisions online on March 21st and that I would need my user ID and password to access such information.

Aha, I thought. My user ID and password should be on a nice Bryn Mawr letterhead sheet in my Organized College Folder. I should not be concerned.

Five minutes later, the living room looked like an explosion occurred at a particularly heinous stationary factory or a classroom, perhaps both. Papers were everywhere, but the sheet with my user ID and password was nowhere within sight. It was not in my College Folder, it was not in my desk drawer, it was not in the folder that contained my collection of awful pick-up lines and knock knock jokes.

After much panicking, I eventually located the missing sheet of Vital Information Concerning My Future.

I had been using it as a coaster for the past five weeks, who knew?

Meme.

Meme!

Everyone has things they blog about. Everyone has things they don’t blog about. Challenge me out of my comfort zone by telling me something I don’t blog about, but you’d like to hear about, and I’ll write a post about it. Ask for anything: latest movie watched, last book read, political leanings, thoughts on LOLcats,  favorite type of underwear, life experiences etc. Repost in your own journal so that we can all learn more about each other.

I have no idea if anyone actually reads my blog (though this nifty Greasemonkey extension thing tells me that at least 18 people have added it to Google Reader) but speak up if you want me to babble about something in particular. Unless I think it’s something that might come back to haunt me, I’m game.

can this week go any slower?

Aisha, Thandi, Shasta, and I were discussing this at lunch today but senior year has pretty much been a disappointment thus far.

So much of my year has revolved around the prospect of college that I pretty much want to graduate now and not have to deal with all the trivial details of high school. My applicants have been sent, standardized tests have been taken, and the only thing that’s stopping me are my required English 12 and P.E. 12 credits. That and a little thing call self control.

But even then, every time I step into the school building I want to go home, change into my PJs and go back to sleep.

Because why am I at school, anyway? “To learn” would be the obvious answer. But I don’t feel like I’m learning anything in any of my classes even though my AP tests are in May. None of it seems very meaningful.

And maybe I’ve been burning myself out without realizing it, even though I didn’t want to buy into the mentality that I needed to be perfect for colleges to accept me, but since all my classmates were stressing– so was I. I kept my up my grades, I wrote and rewrote essay after essay, I participated in extracurriculars that I enjoyed– but now that I sit in every one of my classes, I wonder how much (if at all) any of them will actually have an effect on me.

In my AP Lit class, it’s almost all note-taking and class discussions with an emphasis on ‘peer to peer teaching’. Same goes with my AP Environmental Science and AP Human Geography classes. It’s all repetitive, predictable, and I’m sort of frustrated by how… unengaging everything is. I’d like the discussions more if they weren’t so forced because all my classmates are just as sick and tired of school as I am.

Aside from senioritis, I think part of the problem is that almost everyone in all my classes are overachievers in one way or another and we’ve collectively suffered through the same mishaps this year. Disorganized clubs? Check. Club meetings are seemingly decided on whim with little notice (”Oh hey guys, _____ mandatory meeting tomorrow at 8 AM! Be there or be dropped!”), reported hit list and rumored racism circulating through our high school and many, many disruptions from what we thought would be our final year of glory?

Not exactly how I’d like to remember my senior year.

Tomorrow I’m going to wake up and wish to go back to bed, but I can’t because I have two tests and a presentation but tomorrow’s Thursday which means it’s the last day of school this week (thank goodness we have Friday off).

Wow, this came out a lot more angsty than I thought. Seriously, all of this sounded so much more (pseudo) philosophical and less crabby high school senior when it was all in my head.

I seriously need to find a new hobby to distract me from my tedious school life. I’m thinking… the Japanese art of flower arrangement. That or origami, I was pretty good at making those paper stars way back when…

But yeah, so glad we have a four day week. I’m pretty much bored to tears  in all my classes.

MY MOTHER IS A FISH (THANK YOU, FAULKNER)

Explanation of the subject heading, before anyone starts to call nice men in white suits to haul me away.

I’ve been having weird dreams lately, a trade-off for being able to breathe thanks to my new medicine (yay air! ♥) and while this one isn’t as mentally disturbing– it’s nonetheless still “what the hell, subconscious, what the hell“-inducing.

My Chinese class turned into a dictatorship and all my classmates “spoke perfect Mandarin” but I couldn’t understand anything. Role reversal of what usually happens in class.

If I want to get all in depth and analytical, it probably means I’m subconsciously insecure about my Mandarin because of my Cantonese accent and that just because I have an “edge” doesn’t mean that I don’t have to try my best in class or some nonsense like that.

Paraphrasing my friend Kendra’s Facebook status, I would like to say unladylike things to the person who invented 5-week grade reports.

I need to go reassure my mother I’m not about to drop out of school to run away and become a hobo. And also that my grades always end up being fine on the actual 10 week report since most of my classes don’t count extra credit or participation on the 5-week.

I also want to thank Apri for fulfilling my request that she should post more about fish and for being amazing in general. ♥♥♥ Her post has been the highlight of my day aside from playing ‘Duck, Duck, Goose’, ‘SPUD’, and ‘Fishy, Fishy–Come Across My Sea’ in P.E. today. (I am not even joking, I love my gym teacher. She’s amazing.)

3 AM ephiphany

 

(Credit: pinboke_planet on Flickr)

School would be so much easier if everyone used Google Docs.

another sleepless night in ithaca

(Credit: my friend Kendra on Flickr)

Another sleepless night, another night staying up– green tea at hand, waiting. Waiting for snippets and pieces of school projects to slowly filter through my inbox, the parts needed for our group’s study guide.

Another sleepless night, another night going over notes on stuff I already know. Another night browsing through random blogs and websites. Another night trying to restrain the urge to shop online for things I need or think I need. Another night compiling lists on what to bring to college (college! so near and yet so far!). Another night wanting to be done with school– now– because everything seems so inconsequential and pointless.

It’s another sleepless night in Ithaca, don’t bother leaving the light on, I’m going to be up late.

finally cured?

On Friday, my mom took me to the doctor’s because I’ve been sick since Christmas and hahahha– I haven’t gotten any better. Plus, I was thisclose to becoming a social outcast for distracting all my classmates with my loud coughing.

Turns out, the last doctor gave me the wrong medication.

The doctor I did see was a lot more competent and what she prescribed is actually working! I’m not wheezing anymore! I CAN ACTUALLY BREATHE. This is very exciting, you see.

However, it seems like the trade-off might be vaguely disturbing dreams. I have an overactive imagination to begin with, so I’m used to absurd dreams. I once had a dream I was a ninja who kicked ass and took names. That, my friends, was a truly wicked dream and I was very disappointed when it ended.

However, I’ve had two really frightening dreams in a row since Friday and that has never happened before. Will look into it, but until then– I’m going to appreciate not having to hack my lungs out.-

today was pretty awesome.

So today, the power was out for most of Ithaca and its surrounding areas. However, there was power down at the Ithaca Commons so Elena and I kidnapped Eva to celebrate her birthday by going window shopping and treating her to dinner.

After much a lot of collective indecisiveness (”Well, what do you want for dinner?” “I don’t know,what do you want?” “I don’t know… what about you?”) we ended up having dinner at a new sushi place; Sushi Sake and the two of them (unsuccessfully) tried to teach me how to use chopsticks.

Amongst the three of us, we polished off a chicken teriyaki bento box and a plate of salmon rolls. So delicious. I love salmon maki.

Then we went over to Elena’s to basically play Scrabble and Electronic Catchphrase.  I had the worst luck. With Scrabble, I got “I, I, I, S, S, R, R”. I was really glad we didn’t keep score. With Electronic Catchphrase, I kept getting things like “Weenie Roast”, “Mike Rutherford”, and “Andromeda Strain”.

I think my favorite moment by far was  during “Foods” when Eva was rendered temporarily speechless by hers.

EVA: Um… um… she, uh–

ELENA AND ME: BETTY CROCKER.

EVA: Yes! *PASSES TO ME*

I love how Elena and I managed to deduct that just from “she”.

Today was altogether mindlessly fun. I love hanging out with Eva and Elena; we don’t do it nearly as much as we should.

I know with all of us, we tend to get sucked into the monotonous and stressful cycle of school, work, school and it’s nice to being able to forget all of that– even if it’s only for a few hours.

There’s something unbelievably relaxing about  hanging out in Elena’s comfortable living room playing a game in the semi-darkness drinking green tea while playing games in the candlelight with Elena’s parents and her sister Melinda occasionally joining in.

It was cozy, quiet (except for the occasional KRACKLE-KRAAAAASH of an icy, fallen tree branch hitting the roof or porch), and incredibly therapeutic.

I know it sounds kind of lame but really, I’m not big on parties. And neither are Eva and Elena, so it works out perfectly. Besides, who else am I going to get to sing random Disney songs while ‘leni’s driving?

I am in such a good mood. I’m proof-reading one of my Students 2.0 posts and working on my APES project.